The Pain of Being Without You
by Reffie Striheart
Summary: One cold night in the Shire, Pippin cannot sleep. So he goes out for a awalk and who does he find? but his oldest friend and they talk about the ones that they have lost. R&R please!


It's a pain that hurts every second of every day. It is the ache that spreads through my body every time I think about you. The feeling of remorse that I did not leave with you. It is that feeling that keeps me up in the night. That feeling that doesn't allow me to sleep.

Diamond is worried about me of course. Who wouldn't be? I'm worried about myself.

I haven't seen Merry in almost a year and...that adds to the pain that swells up inside of me. My three best friends in the whole world...almost all gone now. And it hurts...so badly.

Frodo I know you had to leave. I know it in my heart and soul and yet my brain was screaming 'no!' the second you stepped onto that ship. I either wanted to come with you or...or I wanted you to stay here with me. But that's not how things worked out. 

And Sam....you old crooked hobbit...you left! I know...you were a Ring-Bearer to but atill...we needed you here too. Merry and I needed your wise words but...you and your wise words are gone now. I hope it's nice over there...

And you Meriadoc Brandybuck! You are the worst of them all! We live across the Shire from each other but that never used to stop us when we were young! We would hike across and meet half-way just to see each other. But now everything's different. I haven't seen you in so long. I haven't heard your voice....

It's cold out tonight and I have a jacket wrapped around me as I wander the Shire. Diamond is asleep...I hope. A gentle breeze waftes around me and I snuggle deeper into my coat. I stare up at the moon remembering how bright it was in Lothlorien. And the stars there glowed with a fiercity that I had never seen....

A sudden noise behind me snaps me from my reverie and I spin around wishing I had my trusty old sword in hand. 

" Who goes there?" I call sounding braver thenI feel. Who knows what lurks in the woods....

This is the Shire, you fool! a voice in my head shouts. I sigh as a familiar figure emerges from the bushes. 

" It's just me Pippin," the voice I so longed to hear says. 

" Merry!" I throw myself at him and hug him tightly. " How are you old twit! I haven't seen you in forever!"

Merry laughs that laugh I always loved. " I'm ok Pippin." He looks up at the sky. " Remember how bright the moon was in Lothlorien?" I nodd and turn my eyes to my friend who is still staring up at the moon. He looks so much older and wiser then whenI last saw him. So much more like a Knight then a Hobbit.

" You've been thinking about them," I say reading my friend's face. He looks back at me and nodds slowly. I smile grimly. " So have I."

He nodds. " It hurts ya know?"

" We were left behind by them. Frodo, Sam....they're gone now."

" Even Gandalf has gone off with them."

" And Aragorn has his own life now. He's King, of all things."

Merry tilts his head down and I see a tear fall down it by the light of the stars and moon. " We're all by ourself now, Pip. It's just you and me. No more Boromir to protect us. No one there to laugh and cry with us."

I nod. " It's just us." And the tears begin to fall down my face, slow at first and then faster until there is a worn trail of tears on my face. " Merry..."

And he is there hugging me and crying with me. He is there for me as he always was before. " Don't worry Pip. We will always have each other."

I look up at him and whisper so softly, " But what if there is more that we want?"

" Then thats the hard part," Merry whispers hugging me to him. " Because we have to do without. We have to learn to live with what we have."

I smile sadly through my tears and pull myself an arms length away from my best friend and look at him. " What a sight we are. Thain Peregrin and Meriadoc the Magnificent, crying like a bunch of little hobbit children."

And Merry only nodds, more tears spilling down his face. 

And we stand like that for a long time, bathed in moonlight crying in each other's arms. But then a thought occurs to me.   
"Merry?" I ask slowly. " Why are you all the way across the Shire?"

" I came to visit you old chap," Merry says. " I was going to surprise you in the morning and pop out at you."

" C'mon then, since you didn't suceed in surprising me, lets go surprise Diamond."

Merry smiles mischieviously. " Lead on Master Took." I laugh and we begin to walk back our arms slung over each others shoulders. 

" Hey Merry?" I ask after a few moments walk in silence.

" Yeah Pip?"

" Do you think that we'll ever see them again?"

My friend looks up at the moon and stars and smiles. " Yeah Pip I think we will."

And for a few moments the pain of of missing you all has lifted from my heart. 

A/N: R&R pleeeease! I really love to hear what you have to say about my writing! ^_^ Yes yes it is another Merry and Pippin fic. What can I say, I'm obsessed. ^____^


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